Dreams 101: User Manual For Dummies
by HadenXCharm
Summary: People had thought Ikkaku was crazy since he'd first arrived in Seireitei, but now he was finally beginning his actual descent into madness. He was getting haunted by dreams filled with mini-Yumichika's that he often killed in fits of rage. Aside from that, there were kid-Hisagi's, crying-Kira's, violent-Yachiru's, mute-Renji's, and a whole bunch of inappropriate conversations.
1. Chapter 1

AN - Summary -

Pairings - Yumichika/Ikkaku, side hints of Kira/Hisagi, Ichimaru/Matsumoto, and Ichigo/Renji

Setting - After Aizen's war, in Seireitei.

Rating - T (For language and sexual dialougue) may change to M.

Genre - Romance/Humor/Horror/'crackfic?'

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Dreams 101 - Chapter 1: How not to ask someone on a date

* * *

It all started with those stupid dreams. They were driving him absolutely crazy; Crazy enough that he was thinking about cracking his head open on the cement like an egg, just so he didn't have to be so fucking confused anymore.

But of course, Madarame Ikkaku of the legendary tsuki-tsuki dance was _far_ too lucky to have an accidental fall and an open head injury that didn't involve a fight. So if he didn't purposefully do it, it just wasn't gonna' happen. Story of his life.

These were dumb confusing dreams, vivid, lucid ones that he'd never seen the likes of before, dreams that made him question his own strength and intelligence when he woke up. They were slowly driving him nuts, and soon he was sure that he would get into a serious fix in one of them, and he would no longer be able to wake up to escape it. They were starting to interfere with his work – he was losing his focus, and was constantly sleepy. What's more was that his heart was starting to cause him problems again.

He'd tried to ask Yumichika out but fucked it all up when he'd changed his mind at the last second and ended up saying something dumb. They'd gotten into a fight, and that was around the time the dreams had started. That had been almost a year ago.

But at the moment, Ikkaku wasn't irritated or confused by any of these events, because he was dreaming right then – _again_.

And just like in every other dream, it began with a sense of normalcy. It was these usual surroundings and situations that kept Ikkaku from realizing he was asleep right away – but as things got stranger, and as Yumichika appeared (and he always did), he would, of course, come upon the revelation that he was dreaming and that he could not wake up.

But at the moment, he still didn't know it, and was wiping his eyes as he got up from his bed. He grumbled and scratched his stomach just like always, and just like always, he yawned and stretched his arms. Just like always he'd turn around to see if Yumichika was awake-

Ikkaku blinked. Yumichika wasn't in his bed. Yumichika's futon was empty, and it looked like it hadn't been slept in at all last night. For some reason, he had the automatic knowledge that Yumichika was up and about looking for his lost hairbrush.

But it didn't occur to him why he knew this fact, he just did, and that was just fine with him. He washed his face in the bathroom sink, did some stretches and a few push-ups, but suddenly his morning routine was interrupted by a shriek and a horrible rattling noise. He rushed back into the bedroom, looking for the source.

This was where things began to get out of the ordinary. But still, it didn't quite register to his dream mind that this shouldn't be happening.

Hozukimaru was shuddering on its sword stand, rattling itself out of its sheath, screaming and crying. Ikkaku went over and grabbed it, put it back in its sheath, and told it to go to sleep. Hozukimaru often had nightmares, ones that Ikkaku had shared in the past – horrible, ridiculously gory, disturbing dreams of battle and villages being ransacked and torched.

Yumichika's sword was missing from its rung underneath his. What was strange about it, was that the sheath was still there, but the sword was gone. Perhaps Yumichika had already gone to work. That didn't sit too well with Ikkaku for some reason, because it really seemed as though Yumichika hadn't even come home last night. -And besides, why would he leave the sheath there?

Ikkaku briefly wondered where he was and whether he'd made progress on his hair-brush hunt, when he heard a noise somewhere inside the house. Maybe he'd already found it and was making breakfast.

After milling around for a few minutes, Ikkaku decided he would go to the kitchen to ask about the sword sheath, but as he left his bedroom, he was suddenly in the Captain's office. This, in his dream-state, did not seem out of the ordinary and didn't cause him alarm or even amazement.

What _was_ out of the ordinary to him, was that the Captain wasn't in the office; Someone else was. Standing in the center of the room – though he hadn't the slightest idea _why –_ was Hisagi, holding some bright purple underpants to his face and smelling them with a perverted look on his face. Again, Ikkaku came upon a sudden piece of knowledge that he wouldn't normally be privy to: those were _Yumichika's _underwear.

All of a sudden, he got really inexplicably angry, so mad that he couldn't even freaking _see_ straight, which was strange, because if he were awake in this situation, he'd probably just raise an eyebrow at the display and then leave the room. That was another awful side-effect of these stupid dreams. He was starting to reawaken his long-buried feelings for a certain someone, and he was afraid that lack of peaceful sleep was going to cause him to let something slip during the day.

These dreams were a slow-boiling torture, and they had been going on every night for almost a year now.

But Ikkaku still wasn't aware of that at the moment – he didn't even know he was asleep yet. It didn't occur to him that being angry was strange, or even that the surroundings were illogical given that he'd just been in his house.

On top of that, it wasn't like he'd seen Yumichika's underpants enough times to be able to identify them. He didn't study their laundry enough to know that they were his – he just knew that they were Yumichika's, that Hisagi was holding them, and that he was probably fixing to steal them once he was done smelling the detergent like some pervert.

"Gimme that!" he shouted. Hisagi's eyes popped open in shock at his sudden fury.

"No!" Hisagi shouted back. Hisagi's personality was always seriously warped in his dreams. He either acted like some overgrown-six year old - or was extremely stressed out and in a hurry to get to somewhere.

When Ikkaku was awake, trying to dissect these weird dreams, he figured it was because he couldn't take Hisagi seriously in real life, so he _definitely_ wouldn't be able to in dreams.

"No," Hisagi yelled again, stomping his feet and holding the underpants out of Ikkaku's reach even though Ikkaku hadn't actively tried to grab them yet. "No, they're mine!"

"There's no way those are yours, they're too small for you!" Ikkaku said this, feeling that it was a good argument at the time, but thinking better of it once he'd said it aloud. His hands were in fists ready to wring Hisagi's neck and swipe the flamboyant piece of clothing back.

"Yumichika would kill you if he knew you'd snooped in his laundry!" He paused, frowning to himself. He had a feeling that Yumichika should be here, and the fact that he wasn't was bothering him all of a sudden. "Where is he, come to think of it?"

All of a sudden, there came a sudden puff of glitter from his left shoulder.

He looked over, and that was when it hit him that he was dreaming this _again_, because he'd been having creepy recurring dreams like this _every single night_. They always included Yumichika, cute, little, doll-sized Yumichika, who was his voice of reason and wisdom when it came to telling him how to escape his dream prison.

But Yumichika in his dreams was just as sassy and bratty as he was in real life - Ikkaku found it endearing when he was awake, because he enjoyed bickering, but it was downright frustrating when he was here in his dream world. Yumichika was often too stuck-up to tell him how to get out most of the time.

More often, Yumichika told him how to deal with the other delusional-people milling around in his dream-scape. Even more often than that, Yumichika was usually preoccupied with finding something or someone, or doing some task that was impossible given his small size, _something_ that made him too busy to tell Ikkaku how to get out of there.

When Ikkaku was awake - and brave enough to think about all this-, he figured Yumichika was his guide, because, as much as he tried to deny it, Yumichika was the brains of their partnership. Yumichika was the one with restraint, caution, and common-sense. However, this didn't give him any hints as to why Yumichika was always so little.

He had _no_ idea why, and it bothered him, because it was probably something important and colossal that dominated his actual life, something he couldn't identify that was right under his nose. It upset him, because he didn't like to think that he was that slow that he couldn't recognize something that obvious.

It was driving him nuts, because it appeared in every dream without exception. Yumichika was _always_ small, and was always privy to some sort of information that he needed. Yumichika was the only remotely-rational person in his strange dreams, and he when, if ever, he started acting weird, Ikkaku was sure that he only did it to mess with him.

But full lucidity hadn't rushed back to him yet; he was too busy coughing, because some glitter had gotten stuck in his throat.

"-Fuckin' fairy," he hacked, "What's wrong with you?"

There was little Yumichika on his shoulder, posing with two little fingers behind his head, pretending to be a devil. "Are you sure you want to choke Hisagi? It'd be a lot better if you'd kick him where it hurts," little Yumichika said, suddenly pointing an accusing finger at Hisagi's crotch. "He told me there was a snake in his pants yesterday! You should kill it!"

Ikkaku vaguely remembered Yumichika telling him something about Hisagi making advances towards him with lewd descriptions of his 'snake' the day before, but it didn't fully dawn on him that what doll-Yumichika was talking about now, wasn't an actual snake.

He just looked at Hisagi like a crazy person – Who on earth would willingly put a snake near their goods? This warped mindset that Ikkaku had while dreaming was _exactly_ the reason he needed Yumichika for advice. Everyone in his dreams were loopy in some way or another, and Ikkaku wasn't good with public relations, and often needed help.

"Hey," Ikkaku frowned, looking at his other shoulder. "Isn't there supposed to be an angel guy on this side?"

"Of course not, stupid, I was just making a joke," tiny-Yumichika said, taking his devil-horn fingers away from his head, crossing his arms. Ikkaku scowled and without any forethought, he snatched the little person off of him, holding him in his fist, intending to bring him up to his face so he could yell at him for giving Hisagi his underwear.

He gasped, opening his palm, because Yumichika wasn't in his hand anymore, suddenly – had he crushed him? Where did he go?

That was another thing that disturbed him when he thought about it awake - in almost a third of the dreams, he ended up killing poor-Yumichika in sudden fits of rage or pique. Of course he'd feel guilty the moment after it happened, realizing that their petty arguments had resulted in the little doll's death.

"Oh fuck, where'd he go?" Ikkaku yelled in panic, looking down on the floor and under each of his feet, trying to see if he'd dropped him on accident.

"Ha-_hah,_" Hisagi gloated, smiling smugly.

He looked up, realizing that Hisagi was still in front of him, but the underwear were gone, and in their place, was Yumichika. He was wearing little clothes that looked just like his work uniform, and he was holding a pink-plastic hairbrush that was obviously for a doll.

"Ikkaku, have you seen my sword?" little Yumichika asked in dismay, "I found my hairbrush, but I can't find my sword? Do you know where it is?"

Hisagi didn't seem to hear Yumichika, or perhaps he was just ignoring him. Ikkaku thought back to Yumichika's missing sword and the sheath just lying there. If Yumichika had lost it, it would've been both the sword and sheath missing - so it had probably been taken by someone.

"Ikkaku, look what I got," Hisagi exclaimed excitedly, shaking the tiny person in his grip. Yumichika moaned, dropping his brush onto the ground as he clutched his head and begging to be treated gently. The clatter of the little, pink, plastic comb grabbed Ikkaku's attention, and he bent down to pick it up, looking at it. It was smooth tortoise-shell, with soft red prickles on it, just like Yumichika's real hairbrush, only miniature.

'That's weird,' he thought, 'I could've sworn it was pink, plastic, like a little girl's toy... like just a second ago...'

Ikkaku came a little closer to scrutinize what exactly Hisagi had, even though he knew it was his Yumichika-jiminy-cricket-type-thingie. "What have ya' got?" Hisagi held Yumichika up to show him off. There was Yumichika squeezed in his hands, the same size as one of those living-world-plastic-dolls, with a scowl on his face.

Yumichika made a gesture for Ikkaku to come closer, cupping his little hands around his mouth to tell him a secret. When Ikkaku moved his ear close to him, Yumichika glared up at Hisagi. "I think Hisagi took my sword."

Ikkaku frowned. It was strange how Yumichika was really the only person in his dreams who talked actual sense and acted somewhat rationally. If only it weren't so frustrating to deal with him. For some reason, Ikkaku always got into arguments with Yumichika, the same kind they had in real life - but they always resulted in disaster here. It was a shame, because Yumichika was pretty cute all tiny like that.

"Isn't it cute? I got it for two hundred-yen." The Yumichika-doll gave an indignant shriek, saying something about never being that cheap in a tiny voice. Hisagi began humming and playing with the doll like a small child would, taking off its little clothes.

"You have a date soon, Yumichika," Hisagi said to his toy, "We have to get you in your party clothes!" Yumichika didn't seem upset anymore, and sat down on Hisagi's palms, starting to take off his sandals and tabi. Hisagi picked at the little sash around his middle.

Yumichika _always_ acted rationally in his dreams, even though he sometimes enjoyed interacting with the loopy idiots wandering around, especially Hisagi. But this did not occur to Ikkaku right then, and he had no earthly idea why Yumichika would allow Hisagi to strip him down.

Well of course there was the fact that sometimes Yumichika would actually call himself a doll and would act like one too; liking to play, and liking to have his hair brushed and things like that.

So in the midst of this, Ikkaku did what he always did in sticky situations: He shouted.

"What the- Hey!" Ikkaku yelled, banging on a pane of glass that was suddenly in front of him, "Give him back, you pervert! What are you doing?!"

"I'm playing with him," Hisagi said, grinning widely.

"This is a sign, you big dummy," the Yumichika-doll said with dignity, even though the tiny orange collar of his uniform was being pulled over his head, along with his outer yukata. "So pay attention to it."

"You crazy dick-hole, give him back to me, he's mine! That's my toy!" Ikkaku shouted, like he was a little kid who'd had his favorite dump-truck stolen on the playground.

"Put me down, you behemoth, you're being too rough," Yumichika said, biting Hisagi's thumb.

"Ouch!" Hisagi said in surprise, bopping Yumichika on the head. Yumichika looked woozy, standing unsteadily and almost falling off Hisagi's hand. Ikkaku howled in rage, saying that Hisagi might break his little neck if he wasn't careful. "Ikkaku, I'm gonna' punish him for biting me. How old is Yumichika? I have to spank him for every year he's lived-"

"It's _not_ my birthday," Yumichika replied sassily, sounding a little delirious still, inaccurately punching at Hisagi's fingers, which were wrapping around him.

"C'mon, You're gonna' hurt him, Hisagi. Just give him back to me," Ikkaku said, suddenly able to get through the glass and grab Yumichika by his little arm.

"Help, help me! You need me to get out of here," peeped the little doll. Ikkaku pulled on his arm to try to get Hisagi to let go of his other arm. "Oww," Yumichika cried, little tears getting his finger wet. Ikkaku didn't want to rip Yumichika in half, so he slapped Hisagi's face and pried the doll out of his hand, running away like a crazy person. He just avoided banging into Kenpachi at the door.

"Sorry, Taichou, I gotta' get out of here," Ikkaku shouted, suddenly aware again that this was a dream and that he had to find out how to get out. Talking to the people in his dreams – besides Yumichika – slowly made him forget that he was asleep, so it was best to avoid interacting with them. It was like Alice in fucking Wonderland, surrounded by loopy idiots.

"Woah, Madarame, what happened to your toy just now?" Zaraki asked with a curious tone that would never pass his Captain's lips in real life.

"Uhh, Gotta' go, Captain. Hisagi stole his clothes – I'm not a pervert, I swear," Ikkaku said awkwardly, pushing past his captain into the next room, which was a long twisting corridor, one of Seireitei's streets. This was good, he'd gotten outside at least.

"Geez, can't you be a little gentler, you oaf," Yumichika complained in his grip, hair rustling in the wind from the speed Ikkaku was running.

"Aren't you glad that I saved you from Hisagi?"

"No, he was playing with me," Yumichika whined, "Now I'm going to be ugly for my date!"

"It's called a blind date, anyway," Ikkaku grumbled, feeling jealous for a reason he didn't understand. When he was awake later, he would wonder what Yumichika had meant by 'date', even if his dream self wasn't actually real.

"That doesn't mean my date's blind, you big idiot!" Yumichika shrieked at him. Ikkaku held him up to his face, and now he could see that Yumichika was wearing the same kimono he'd had on when they'd met.

"Oh," Ikkaku said, holding him closer to his eyes, really scrutinizing Yumichika. Every detail was perfect, just like always. "You look beautiful," he said, forgetting about what he was doing. Yumichika leaned in and touched his cheek with his little hand.

"Thank you," Yumichika said, not sounding angry anymore. "I can't wait to go on my date with you!" Yumichika leaned forward and kissed just below his eye with his little lips. This didn't bother Ikkaku for some reason, and a sudden unrelated thought occurred to him.

"Hey, I never asked you before, but I think I should before I wake up," Instantly, the surroundings started to blur and shake, "Why are you so small all the time?"

Yumichika had been just about to answer him, when the walls started crumbling, and a big rock fell on Ikkaku's foot -

"Ikkaku!"

"Huh?" Ikkaku grunted, wiping his eyes.

"Get up, you're late for your date," Yumichika shook his shoulder again, leaving to go to the bathroom and put on his feathers. Ikkaku lay back staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, feeling drowsy and confused. His heart was aching a little.

"My date?"

"Your date with the Captain, remember?"

"What?!" Ikkaku shouted, getting out of bed, grabbing his sword. Fuck if he had to fight the Captain in his pajamas. It was no wonder that Renji had started looking at him with that concerned expression.

People had thought he was crazy since he'd first arrived in Seireitei, but now he was finally beginning his actual descent into madness.

He was getting haunted by dreams, filled with dolls and mini-Yumichika's that he often killed in fits of rage. Aside from that there were Kid-Hisagi's, crying-Kira's, violent-Yachiru's, mute-Renji's, and a whole bunch of inappropriate conversations.

Not to mention his again building feelings for Yumichika - which were catalyzed and made worse by the little clone he saw at night.

It was official: He was going fucking insane.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: How to cook the biggest jerk with extra salt

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Ikkaku groaned, leaning his head forward onto the lunch table. His head was pounding and he was cranky from lack of sleep. The dreams he'd been having he supposed could be classified as nightmares - they were disturbing, weird, and just plain exhausting. He hadn't gotten a restful night in a really long time.

He could feel Yumichika patting his back and heard him asking something, but he didn't pay attention. A few slaps to his shoulder and a couple punches came from his subordinates as the tried to jolt him into awareness, but he just grumbled at them.

Especially this thing with Yumichika visiting him nightly - that was bothering him the most. Maybe this whole 'stuck in dreams' and 'finding a solution' thing had to do with Yumichika himself. He appeared in every dream - maybe that was because he hadn't found a way to get rid of him and pass this dumb test.

If the answer was to ask Yumichika out again, he was going to throw an absolute fit - because that meant his nightmares were going to go on forever.

What was worse was that he was starting to _feel_ in his dreams. They were becoming so realistic that he could feel touch, pain especially, and - embarrassing as it was to admit - arousal.

He had almost died in his own dreams at least twenty times - and he was wondering what would happen if he did. Maybe he'd try it; maybe if he died in dreams, he'd die in real life, and then all of this ridiculousness could end.

"Are you okay?" Yumichika asked loudly. Ikkaku clutched at his ears, whining. "Why do you look so miserable?"

"I didn't get any sleep last night," Ikkaku mumbled, glaring at Yumichika. _Fuck_ that vain bastard. Why did he have to love _him_, the most unattainable person on this godforsaken earth? He must be some sort of masochist, because this whole thing was just plain torture.

He'd thought he'd buried these feelings for good, but they were coming back to haunt him. He wasn't safe awake or asleep anymore - Damnit.

Well, he guessed it wasn't Yumichika's fault. He'd probably brought this on himself - maybe it would help to be nicer to Yumichika, I mean, there's no way you can go wrong with being nice, right? It might help Yumichika to like him more, and then he might have a fraction of a chance.

Oh yeah, right. He'd ask his mini-Yumichika what he thought about it, and maybe then he'd think about doing it. He didn't _really_ want to have these dreams for the rest of his life.

So Ikkaku sighed and answered Yumichika as civilly as he could manage, "I stayed up late to finish making that stupid maze puzzle Hisagi wanted for Seireitei Communication... 'Twas a bitch," he rolled his eyes, and Yumichika smirked at his high and mighty tone.

"He actually entrusted you with making one? Impressive." Yumichika actually looked impressed, which wasn't common these days. Ikkaku groaned, setting his head back down, but before he could lay it on the table, Yumichika slipped his hand under his forehead.

"Hey, get up," Ikkaku got up with a scowl, looking at Yumichika. "Where's the puzzle?" Yumichika wasn't normally interested with anything that had to do with him - maybe it was because the maze had to do with Shuuhei. Ikkaku scowled - damn that tattoo-faced bastard.

At least he could turn his anger on Hisagi and feel no guilt about it.

He tried to pretend that Yumichika had asked because he was concerned with him and his life, but he couldn't quite make it work, so he pouted a little, leaning on his elbow and hand. Ikkaku pulled out the maze from where he'd stowed it in his yukata and handed it to Yumichika. "Douzo," Ikkaku yawned, putting a hand over his mouth.

Yumichika held the crumpled sheet up in front of his face, turning it this way and that, trying to figure out which way was up. "What's this you scribbled all over it, is this the solution?"

"I dunno', I couldn't find one."

Yumichika looked at him with annoyance, "You made the maze yourself. Can't you solve it, you idiot?... You're supposed to make it with a solution."

"Geez, enough with the whinin', it's too early for this shit, Yumichika," Ikkaku grouched, stuffing his face with sticky rice in an effort to stop his headache. Chewing helped sometimes – and Yumichika usually stopped talking to him when his mouth was full, because he tended to answer whether he had food in his mouth or not, and Yumichika didn't like looking at it.

"Oh, one more thing. Renji-kun's been looking for you. He said he needs to talk to you." Yumichika was looking at him with genuine concern now, which healed Ikkaku's inner wounds a little bit. He really wanted to bridge this gap that had appeared between them - they never spent any time together anymore and it made him really sad.

He fucking hated being sad. It made him feel completely pathetic and lonely.

"Oh yeah? I asked him ta' come over in a couple days – hope that's okay with ya'," he tacked on, trying to be considerate. He couldn't just spend forever waiting for Yumichika to reach out to him - it would probably help if he reached out himself once in a while.

"Of course it's alright. I'll even make some snacks for you two if you like," Ikkaku grinned. Wow, seemed like it was working already. He was glad he didn't have heart problems, or he'd have been dead a long time ago with all this beat-skipping and fluttering and shit. "Just don't be too rowdy while I'm trying to sleep."

He had the stupidest grin on his face - he needed to get out of here before he said something really dumb.

"Yeah, yeah, like you need beauty rest, you moron." He got up from the lunch table, walking out, leaving Yumichika and his incredulous face behind. Damn, he shouldn't've said that.

At least Yumichika had on a stupid smile now too.

* * *

Zaraki sent Ikkaku home early with orders to 'get some goddamn rest' – He could hardly fight in this state, getting cut all over the place and stumbling and shit.

He went to sit down on the couch and thought about reading Yumichika's 'Are you okay with that?' articles for Hisagi's newspaper, but he found that his eyes crawled over the page without reading and that he was yawning every few seconds. He heard a door open and suddenly thought it was a good idea to meditate, so he scooted off the couch and sat on the ground cross-legged.

After a few minutes of clear mind and steady breathing, he heard a hollow noise, like something had fallen on a metal plate. It had startled him after the long silence, and immediately he was worried about banging his legs into the coffee table in front of him, but when he opened his eyes, he found that he was in an empty metal room with round walls. Yumichika was standing in front of him, tiny, with arms crossed and foot tapping away at the ground.

"What the hell, where did you come from?"

"I didn't want to interrupt you, you're looking very sleepy these days. I wonder if you'd tell me what's troubling you?"

"I don't wanna' talk about it," Ikkaku griped. "How long have you been there?"

"Since you sat down," Yumichika replied.

"Did I call you again?" Ikkaku asked warily, remembering something Yumichika had said about only appearing when he was called.

"No,"

"Then why are you here?" he asked suspiciously. Yumichika usually had some sort of motive that didn't involve him. This time he had seemed to appear, just wanting to be helpful. It was these kinds of dreams, however, that Yumichika was the _least_ helpful.

"I miss you. Why don't you spend time with me anymore?" Yumichika asked with a hurt expression.

"I can't talk to you like I used to," Ikkaku explained, much less reserved here than he was with the real Yumichika. "I'm feeling things that I'm not supposed to, and I don't want it to mess things up... Things are just fine right now, and I don't wanna' risk losing them."

"Losing what things?"

"Losing you, you dummy," Ikkaku said with a scowl as he held his hand out on the ground for Yumichika to get on.

"I see," said the little person with an expression he couldn't decipher. "You should consider being this honest with the other."

"The other what?"

"The other me," Yumichika said, climbing onto his hand, clinging to his thumb. Ikkaku blinked. Oh right, he was dreaming.

"Where are we?" Ikkaku asked, standing up and looking around. He could feel in his gut, a sudden shift in the dream-scape, as he fully realized he was sleeping. Yumichika's attitude immediately changed as well, and everything around him felt a little more solid as he was locked into his dream. This was when everything would start going strange.

He was starting to realize that before he became fully lucid, the dream's events had more to do with his awake life: he had been thinking about not being able to talk to Yumichika earlier when he'd been at lunch. As he became stuck in his dream, things started to take their own strange twists and turns as his fantasies and subconscious fears took control of things.

"Ay', answer me. Where are we?"

"You tell me, you idiot, can't you recognize the inside of your own head?" Yumichika sassed, taking on his unhelpful, unconcerned attitude.

"Shut up, Thumbelina, we're not in my head." Ikkaku kicked the sides of the round metal room they were inside of. There were no doors or windows, and he had no idea how they'd gotten in here. "I hear people outside," he mumbled, pressing his ear to the cold wall.

"Thumbelina? What the hell do you take me for," Yumichika screeched in indignance, tapping his foot against Ikkaku's palm. Ikkaku smooshed him, cupping him between his hands, "Hey! You're going to get stuck here, Stop!"

"Don't talk, you might draw unwanted attention." Yumichika wormed his torso through a gap in his fingers, pouting at him. Ikkaku brought him up to his face.

"And you don't? Mr. bald-tattoo-eyed-shouting-swordsman-basta-" Ikkaku shoved him back between his hands.

"If you're not gonna' give me advice on getting out of here, then be quiet or leave me alone."

"You're one to talk, you're the one who keeps bringing me here," Yumichika shouted, voice muffled by his fingers. "That makes you the biggest jerk. I can't leave once you think of me, you stupid-"

"Shut up! You said that I didn't call you this time,"

"Well you did by thinking of the other just then, so now we both can't leave, you idiot!" Yumichika yelled through his hand.

Ikkaku, on an angry whim, squeezed Yumichika really hard.

Yumichika didn't talk after that, and Ikkaku was horrified to find that blood was dripping out from his closed fist. Panicked, he opened his hand, but as he opened his hand, his eyes did too, and he was sitting on his couch, with drool on his cheek, Yumichika slapping his face telling him to get up.

"What, what do you want," Ikkaku grumbled woozily, pushing at Yumichika's hands. That dream had been weird. That conversation they'd had at the beginning… What had that been about? It had seemed almost… _realistic_, and that disturbed him more than all of the other strange things that had happened.

"Shh… I wondered why you let your dinner get cold. Come to bed, Ikkaku," Yumichika said softly, and Ikkaku realized that it was dark outside, "You're going to get a crick in your neck if you sleep there."

"Oh…" Ikkaku said, standing up, rubbing at his already-sore neck, "Thanks."

Yumichika looked at him in the dark for a moment, "I'm worried about you, Ikkaku…" he sighed, turning around and walking to their bedroom. "I'll listen if you need to talk."

"Everything's fine," Ikkaku said, ignoring the doll's advice, still a little shaky after that horrifying jolt that his dream had caused. He'd… he'd fucking crushed Yumichika in his hand, and for what? What had he really done that for?

He rubbed at his eyes – he really needed to think things over. Maybe get some medication. That talk with Renji couldn't come soon enough. He lay down in his futon, not bothering to change out of his uniform. It only took him a few moments of watching Yumichika's chest rise and fall for him to get back to sleep again.

He was there in that room again, with Yumichika in his hand. Maybe this was what Yumichika had meant by stuck – he was stuck in this scenario until he figured out a solution or an answer or something. Damn.

"Where are we?"

"You tell me, can't you recognize the inside of your own head?"

"This has happened before, hasn't it," Ikkaku mused. "I'd better not squeeze you anymore, huh?" Yumichika pursed his lips, staring at him with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, killing me has wizened you up now, has it?"

"Shh," Ikkaku said, walking around the metal room, thinking that he should look more carefully this time so he could start working out whatever dream-task he had to complete. "There's nothing in here, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"There's no doors. What the hell do you think _that_ means, then?" Yumichika replied. Ikkaku ignored him, hitting the ground with his foot, frowning at the hollow sound it made. He jumped once, and was surprised at the big gong noise that followed. So this room wasn't grounded - they were suspended above something, perhaps? Yumichika's face went green from what to him was a huge lurch.

"Put me down, I'm going to throw up,"

"Sorry," Ikkaku said weakly, setting him on the metal ground. Yumichika started retching on his little hands and knees, only vomiting up what was a few drops of puke to someone of Ikkaku's size.

"Here," Ikkaku set his hand out again, "Get on, I won't shake you anymore."

Yumichika sniffed, pale in the face, "I don't believe you. You look hungry to me." Yumichika crossed his arms, sniffing again and turning away from him in a sulking manner.

"I'm not gonna' eat you, what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that Hisagi is about to open the lid to this pot," Yumichika said as if it was information plain to everyone. He pointed up, "Obviously." Ikkaku figured this was another of those strange pieces of advice that Yumichika gave.

Sure enough, Ikkaku looked up at the ceiling, realizing that they were in a huge soup pot, and that gigantic Hisagi was about to pour a box of chicken stock in on top of them.

"Oh shit, WAIT-" He snatched up the tiny Yumichika, and suddenly the room was flooded with bouillon. Ikkaku screamed, getting whooshed all over, barely able to stay on his feet.

After a moment of confusion, he spat out cold soup, wiping the salty, yellowish liquid from his eyes. He was up to his armpits in the stuff, and poor little Yumichika looked completely pitiful, soaked and coughing up soup. "I told you to eat dinner last night, but you didn't, did you," Yumichika hacked, breath rattling, "and now look, we're going to be eaten by Hisagi."

For some reason, dream-Ikkaku was unconcerned by this whole situation, and was more interested with Hisagi in general, "Why's Hisagi a giant?" He could hear a flickering noise outside, probably a stove burner getting turned on. Fuck, they were gonna' get cooked - Ikkaku suddenly realized he had bare feet, pressed against the still-cold metal base of the pot.

"He's not a giant. He's normal. _You're small_," Yumichika said, crossing his arms sassily, "Duh."

"Well then what are you?" Ikkaku asked in confusion, trying to stand without his feet slipping on the bottom of the pot.

"Extra small, obviously."

"Oh, okay, glad that's cleared up," he said sarcastically, but started screaming when Hisagi lifted the pot lid again and dropped in some chopped onions and other vegetables. They hit the soup like bombs, and the splashes nearly drowned him and the extra-small Yumichika.

Ikkaku coughed, noticing that the soup level had risen a bit, and that the bottom of the pot was starting to get warm. He looked up, stinging liquid getting in his eyes, and he started screaming again as Hisagi stuck in the biggest fucking wooden spoon he'd ever seen. Hisagi made a soup whirlpool as he stirred, and Ikkaku tried to hold Yumichika above the soup so that his advice-doll could breathe.

His feet were starting to get burnt already as the sides of the pot got warmed up from the fire. This was fucking messed up, how the hell was he supposed to escape from this?! The walls were too steep, slippery, and now too hot to even touch.

"Let us out of here, Hisagi, why are you trying ta' eat us?!" Ikkaku shouted up at apparently normal-sized Hisagi.

"Shh," Hisagi said with a frown, covering the pot again.

"You fucker! Answer me!" Ikkaku shouted in anger, feeling like punching something but having nothing but soup around him.

"He's on a date with Kira, and he needs a mix of your courage and my sensuality," Yumichika explained, trying to fix his sopping hair. Ikkaku looked at him, up to his shoulders, treading in Hisagi's soup.

After a quiet moment with only the sound of soup waves hitting the walls of the pot, Ikkaku stared at Yumichika some more, "He probably's adding you just to kill you."

"Fine, you jerk, get out of the soup dream yourself, I'm leaving," Yumichika said, twisting his little body to face the other way inside Ikkaku's fist.

"Leaving where, we can't fucking get out of here!" Ikkaku screeched at the little doll, chucking him at the wall on a sudden angry impulse. _Damn_ him. He knew how to get out of here, but he'd rather get boiled alive than just tell him how.

Yumichika smacked into the wall like a pancake, and slid down the hot side of the pot slowly, leaving a trail of blood behind.

"Fuck," Ikkaku said, slowly being drowned by the rising level of hot soup that was mixing with a sea of Yumichika's blood. _Now_ how was he going to get out? Why'd he have to go and do that? "What are you gonna' do to me?"

"Huh?" said Hisagi, opening up the pot lid to peer in at him. He was wearing a stupid frilly apron, and had something smeared on his face. Ikkaku realized that the pot was filling up, and that he couldn't touch the bottom of the pot with his feet anymore, and was forced to tread in the soup.

"What are you gonna' do to-"

"Salt you," Hisagi shouted, taking the lid off of a salt shaker and dumping the whole thing into the pot.

"Wait, it doesn't need anymore salt, look at all this blood!" he shouted, but it was too late, the salt had been stirred in, and Hisagi was milling around somewhere out of his field of vision, probably chopping more vegetables.

"Kira's gonna' hate your soup, Hisagi," he said to himself quietly, taking a little sip of the lukewarm stew. "It tastes awful." He could hear Hisagi outside of the pot chuck something on the floor in anger.

"Frick, why'd you have to ruin it, Ikkaku? It's all bloody, what's wrong with you?!" Ikkaku frowned. How on earth had Hisagi heard that?

Aw fuck, he'd killed Yumichika, how was he gonna' get out of here now? He was stuck in this stupid soup dream, and he was gonna' get eaten by Kira and Hisagi on their stupid date.

"I didn't think he'd ruin the taste, quit yelling at m-" he inhaled a mouthful of soup, choking and suddenly sitting up in bed, coughing hard.

Yumichika was looking at him strangely, putting on his uniform, "You've been talking and coughing all night. You don't sound so good, I think you should stay in bed."

"Mm," Ikkaku said, blinking sleepily. He had no desire to go back to that stupid dream.

"You said something about adding me to kill me." Ikkaku stared at him, probably with a comical expression on his face. "Did I die in your dream? I hear if you die in dreams, you die in real life."

"Don't make me kick you, Yumichika," Ikkaku grumbled darkly, rolling over in bed and pulling the covers over his head. Yumichika had better not be right, because he was probably going to die next time he got stuck in Hisagi's dumb-ass soup.

"You're just lucky that you don't have work today, or I would pick on you all day about your weird sleep talking."

Ikkaku didn't answer, staying underneath the blankets. He'd killed Yumichika again in his soup-dream, he hadn't learned anything. Why hadn't it bothered him that he'd hurt Yumichika so bad? He'd fucking crushed him on the side of a pot, probably breaking his little spine. Geezo' pete, he was gonna' get stuck in that stupid dream again – what if Yumichika didn't show up next time?

When he saw Hisagi later, he hurriedly passed by him without saying hello. He needed to get some rest.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: How to stop ignoring the signs, and reach the heart of the matter

* * *

"Where are we?"

"You idiot, can't you recognize the-"

"Oh fuck, don't say that again, just answer me!" Ikkaku shouted, shaking Yumichika a little as he swam around in the lukewarm soup. He could've sworn the pot was bigger than last time – maybe he was just smaller.

Yumichika yelled back at him in exasperation, "You _are_ an idiot, if you know that this has happened before, you should remember where we are!"

"You _could_ just play along, you know," Ikkaku grouched, spitting out soup, "Yuck, soup tastes nasty if it's not warmed up."

"Well how come you ate all of that soup you didn't eat last night, for breakfast earlier even though you left it to get cold?"

"I didn't wanna' hurt yer' feelings, so I tried some, and then I realized how fucking hungry I was!"

"Okay, okay, just get us out of here already," Yumichika demanded, as if it was Ikkaku's fault that they'd been tarrying here.

"I would if you'd fucking tell me how!" Ikkaku shouted, blowing his stack, really feeling like punching something, just barely hanging onto his cool, because he knew that killing Yumichika would cause the dream to reset again.

"Alright, alright, before the pot gets too hot, you need to push off of each wall," Yumichika pointed, wiping soup from his eyes with his other hand, "If you get the soup-wave big enough, maybe it will push the pot off the burner a little, and then it might fall to the floor."

"Okay, good plan," Ikkaku said obediently, going to do what he said, knowing that even if Yumichika's advice sounded ridiculous, it was usually correct. However, some part of his rational mind lingered, telling him to rethink this. "Wait, what after that? What'll happen when we fall and hit the floor?"

Yumichika was silent for a little while, "We'll burn that bridge when we get to it,"

"It's _cross_ that bridge, and you have no idea, do you. We might bounce, or we might just die," Ikkaku said as he swam over to the side of the pot, pushing off of the wall with his feet. "Fuck, it's already starting to get too hot!" Ikkaku shoved off of the other wall, scalding his heels.

"No, I _meant_ to say 'burn'," Yumichika insisted, thinking Ikkaku hadn't understood his pun, "You see it's supposed to be funny, because-"

"It's not funny," Ikkaku said flatly, getting his temper under control, enough that he was actually quite proud of himself. "It hurts," he hissed, burning the bottoms of his feet as he pushed off the other side.

"Well, fine. You're doing well, the pot's rocking," Yumichika noted, coughing as the wave washed a little too high and splashed his face. He clung to Ikkaku's thumb to try to keep steady as he was tossed around by Ikkaku's increasingly powerful shoves. "You're doing well," Yumichika congratulated, smiling sunnily even though they were supposed to be close to death. It was that smile that Yumichika had used to give him all the time, the smile that was so adoring, so very proud of him, those eyes that always saw him through rose colored glasses.

He hardly ever saw it anymore, which was a little 'out-putting'. He was always screwing up these days, and Yumichika no longer followed him with blind loyalty. It sucked that the only person who was ever proud of him, wasn't anymore.

"Keep going, I felt it rock," Yumichika said, smiling wider. Ikkaku believed him, even though he himself hadn't felt anything but the sharp sting in his feet.

Ikkaku was encouraged by this, and continued, even though his feet were getting burns all over them. Burnt soles were better than being boiled alive. Their skin was already turning red.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing?" Hisagi shouted, stomping over to the stove. Ikkaku shoved off another wall, finally feeling the pot almost move off the burner. Hisagi took the pot lid off just in time to get splashed with hot soup.

Ikkaku laughed as Hisagi screamed in pain, - not because Hisagi had been burnt, but because they were almost free! - but his happiness at his success quickly turned to horror when Hisagi threw the pot in the air in an effort to get the scalding liquid off of him.

"Holy fuck!" Ikkaku was washed out of the pot onto the floor, impact softened by various vegetables and chopped meat. Yumichika had escaped his grip and was coughing somewhere behind a huge potato chunk. "Hey," Ikkaku whisper-called, "Hey, where are you, Yumi?"

Hisagi was still yelling, stripping his shirt off and throwing it acrossed the room. His feet were making loud bumps, sending shockwaves through the floor, causing Ikkaku to lose balance. Poor Yumichika kept slipping in the soup and getting bounced up and down off his feet whenever Hisagi took a step.

"Wow, your kitchen's a mess," Ikkaku noted, standing up and going over to pick Yumichika up and gently pat his back with a finger to help him breathe. He was extremely pale, clutching at his throat as he coughed, chest trembling. 'Poor little guy...' Ikkaku thought.

Somehow Hisagi heard his sarcastic comment, and whirled around, pointing at him. "_You_ did this, you bastard!" Hisagi shouted in anger.

Ikkaku put a hand on his hip, pouting as he looked up at Hisagi, who he was sure had gotten a little smaller. Or maybe he'd gotten a bit bigger. "Well, why did you just throw the pot in the air, you lunatic?"

"I _didn't_, you splashed me with boiling soup! I was trying to stop myself from getting burnt!"

"_You_ shouldn't have tried to cook us!" Ikkaku accused, growing a little bit bigger again as he pointed back at Hisagi, letting Yumichika crawl up onto his shoulder

"It's not _my_ fault you're hungry," Hisagi scoffed, crossing his arms.

"You see what I mean," Yumichika said sassily, referring to his earlier comment on how Ikkaku looked hungry, and that that was the reason they were being eaten alive - which made no sense. Ikkaku groaned, facepalming. Suddenly Yumichika's face was grave, serious and a bit fearful, "Let's go, we need to get out of this house. Something big's comi-"

Suddenly, Yumichika was half-slapping, half-patting his face, "Get up, wake up, Ikkaku,"

"What, what's wrong," he said groggily, smiling a little, knowing that he'd finally passed that stupid soup dream, whatever the point of it was. Maybe it was to stand up to Hisagi, and not let him get in his way, even if he seemed like an obstacle. "It's the weekend, whatcha' wake me for," The bottoms of his feet were prickling like they had fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry to wake you, I know how tired you've been, but Renji's here," Yumichika said quietly, patting his shoulder, before wandering out of the bedroom in his lounge clothes. "I'm just going to go over to Rangiku's so you can have some privacy."

"Okay," Ikkaku called back, wiping his eyes and getting out of bed, putting on a clean shirt and coming out into the front room, scratching his stomach with a yawn, "Hey, Red. Ya' bring tha-"

Renji held up the alcohol with a grin. Ikkaku grinned back, trying to snatch it, but Renji deftly moved it out of his reach, "Hey. Talk first. Booze after." Ikkaku whined, but flopped down onto the couch.

"Bye, Yumichika," Ikkaku mumbled as Yumichika toed on his shoes and left with a parting wave.

"So," Renji began, "Shoot." Ikkaku gave a weary sigh, sinking into the couch as Renji sat down next to him, taking the lid off of the sake, sipping some and putting it on the coffee table. When Ikkaku reached for it, he smacked his hand, "_Talk_, Ikkaku."

Ikkaku sat there for awhile, looking glum, before taking a breath to speak. Renji cut him off, "Dude, you haven't been lookin' so good for awhile now. We're getting worried about you," Renji said uneasily.

"I toldja' I'm having nightmares, damnit," Ikkaku grumbled at his face with embarrassment.

"Oh yeah... Ya'... ya' wanna' talk about it? That's why I came."

Ikkaku grimaced and looked at him for a moment, "Are you sure you can handle it? They're fucked up," Renji made to nod, but Ikkaku pointed in his face, "You'd better not laugh,"

"They're funny?"

"If I tell them out loud, yeah, they'll probably sound funny. They're ridiculous."

"I'll... try not to laugh, senpai," Renji grinned, "So how long has this-"

"A _year_," Ikkaku said loudly, trying to impress on Renji that this was serious and was driving him out of his gourd.

"Well shit, yer' gettin' desperate then if you're askin' for help. You never ask for help." Ikkaku crossed his arms, growling that it wasn't 'help', it was something else like advice or counseling. Renji refrained from pointing out that those were the same things.

Ikkaku then went red, mumbling nothing for a little while, fidgeting, before finally coming out with it, "You know about my Yumichika problem, right?"

Renji was silent for a couple seconds, "Your crush on Yumichika-senpai?"

Ikkaku put his head in his hands, "Ugh, don't say it like that, I'm not some teenager in school."

"Your... '_emoti-"_

"No!" Ikkaku shoved him.

"Your feelin-"

"Nooooo!" Ikkaku moaned, making a ghastly face, staring at Renji with wide eyes. Renji grimaced, puffing out his cheeks, looking down at his lap.

"Your problem." Ikkaku didn't say anything. "With Yumichika." Ikkaku blinked, "Your Yumichika problem. The problem with Yumichika is that you're in lo-"

Ikkaku covered Renji's mouth, "Don't!" Renji shoved him back.

"Will you stop it?! Not saying it doesn't make it go away! Saying it out loud doesn't jinx it, you asshole!"

Ikkaku's head flopped back on his shoulders, and he groaned, "Ughh, you don't get it. I'm trying to _forget_ about it."

"Instead of forgetting about it, you should _do_ something about it." Ikkaku suddenly looked at him, face colored pale with lack of sleep and with frayed nerves, and Renji got the feeling that Ikkaku was one hundred percent terrified and sure that he could _never_ admit that to Yumichika. This secret was even more closely guarded than his bankai, which wasn't really saying much if you thought about it.

"I'm not doing something about it, Renji. You'd better keep your mouth shut," he said vehemently.

"I'm not gonna' tell, quit threatening me. We're friends."

"I'm just saying that two can keep a secret if one of them is dead," Ikkaku said flatly, that dangerous glint in his eye that appeared when someone talked about his lack of hair.

"Geez'o pete', Ikkaku, _fine_, for solidarity, I'll tell you a secret, and then we'll be even."

"Yeah?" Ikkaku said semi-curiously, not angry anymore.

"If it'll get you to just spill your dream-problem already," Ikkaku nodded, assuring him that he'd actually keep this secret, and not even tell Yumichika. "If this gets out, I'm telling Yumichika about the problem you have with him." Ikkaku went pale, nodding, solemnly swearing that he'd not speak a word of it.

"I have a _Kurosaki_ problem," Renji said, looking a little gaunt as he said it out loud awkwardly. Ikkaku stared at him for a few seconds.

"What? No way, you guys are always fighting, you totally hate- ... hm..." Ikkaku scratched his chin, thinking back on... "Oh dude, you are so gone. That's kinda' cute." He gave an evil grin, and Renji punched him in the shoulder, cheeks red.

"You shut up! Now just get to your problem already! You were trying to say something about your Yumichika problem."

"Oh yeah. I was gonna' say that I think my nightmares have something to do with my _problem."_

"I guess that makes sense... Wait... Didn't you try to ask Yumichika out last year? You were all upset and drinking yourself sick- Wait, they started at the same time? That's too big of a coincidence."

"I _know_," Ikkaku said woefully, head in his hands. "You know how it is. I don't want to tell him and maybe get rejected and ruin our friendship. I've known him longer than anyone, I just _can't_ lose him. I need another way out of this besides telling him."_  
_

"Okay,"

Ikkaku began explaining his strange dream world and the people in it, and how warped everything was. Renji stayed quiet, listening intently to his description of the obstacles he had to overcome, particularly that Yumichika was small sized.

"Hm, that's strange. Every time?" Ikkaku nodded. Renji frowned, as if he'd noticed something. "Tell me about the other people that show up often."

"Hisagi, Uh... Kira, Rangiku, You, the captain, the lieutenant... That's pretty much it."

"Do they have anything weird, like how Yumichika's small?" Ikkaku was glad that Renji was finally taking this seriously. When Renji decided to be nice, he was very very nice. He tried to explain well so that he could get this help - he _really_ needed help, no matter how much his pride protested.

"Uh... Hisagi's... kinda'... well, he' kinda' childish... He's either childish, stressed out, or in a hurry ta' get somewhere. I always thought that was cause' I have a hard time taking him seriously sometimes... We used ta' be good friends, but... I dunno', I just... Last night, the soup dream I was talking about, Hisagi was a giant."

Renji nodded, drumming his fingers on his mouth, "I know you said that you don't want me to take your problem with Yumichika into consideration-"

"I just don't want you to use it to explain everything away-"

"I'm not. I'm tellin' you, you can't just write it off if it actually might mean something. You said yourself that you think that's what's causing all this."

"Yeah...?" Ikkaku asked cautiously.

"I think Hisagi was huge, because he's competition. Half the time, you want to think he's stupid and not good enough for Yumichika, and the other half you see him as a threat." Ikkaku blinked. "He's competition for Yumichika's attention. That's why you stopped being friends with him, and why you're always mad at him for no reason. It's jealousy. Kinda' like how I'll find myself getting mad at Orihime for no reason. Cause' she's crushin' on Ichigo. She's a sweet girl and I have no reason to hate her, other than _jealousy._"

"I guess that makes sense," Ikkaku grumbled, not liking how petty that made him sound.

"How is Kira in the dreams?"

"I don't know, I haven't actually come acrossed Kira in awhile," Ikkaku mused, "I don't quite remember... Rangiku's always looking for Ichimaru though, and she's usually singing somethin' or othe- OH, Last time I saw Kira, he was with Rangiku,"

"What were they doing?" Ikkaku deflated, because he couldn't remember that either. The only thing he recalled was that Kira was usually a mess of some kind. "Like crying, or muddy kind of mess." Ikkaku didn't remember, he just remembered Yumichika _calling_ Kira a mess. "Okay, we can get back to that. How 'bout me?"

"You actually are usually helpful, but I hardly ever find you. You're mute though - ya' don't talk. Yumichika told me once that it's because you know something, and that you're not allowed to tell me..."

"Ominous... Anything else?"

"You like to hide, which is why I hardly even find ya'... You like to play riddle games, but... sometimes you get crazy scary and violent if I make a wrong move. You also usually are around fire or fireworks or human weapons of some kind, which I can't understand."

"Hm..." Renji looked like he didn't understand it either. "That doesn't make any sense. You don't see me as a threat to your power, do ya'?" Ikkaku shook his head, "And you're not mad at me, and you don't have a grudge on me... So why?... I'm sure there's a connection." Renji finished, sighing, crossing his ankles.

"I know you said you don't believe that dreams have any meaning... I remember you saying that a long time ago... But, these dreams are definitely linked. There's something strange about it."

"Any advice?" Ikkaku asked woefully, "I'll take what I can get, I haven't had a restful sleep in almost a year."

"Hm... You know, maybe if you were nicer to Yumichika, he'd be less inclined to ignore you and be all depressed and snotty. I don't know if you noticed, but he's been looking kinda' lonely and sad for awhile now."

"If I didn't have to listen to his Hisagi love-noise all day, maybe I'd be less inclined to be mad at him," Ikkaku retorted. Renji sighed and insisted that he just try being nicer.

"That might help at least, until we can figure out a way to stop this without you spilling the beans to Yumi."

"Alright, I'll try. The thing that's been worrying me the most is that lately Yumichika's been warning me of something big that's gonna' happen soon, and I think it might be something that's going to happen _here._"

Renji was stoic, "That's not good. We'll have to figure a solution before then."

Ikkaku agreed, and they finally had a drink.

* * *

Ikkaku screamed, writhing in pain that really felt _real_, intense and burning and sharp, too much for him to handle. After a huge clapping noise and a sizzle, the pain lessened, and he was flipped over onto his back by something. He was intensely wishing for Yumichika to come save him, because he couldn't take this pain without any help. He opened his eyes.

"Aw, what? A frying pan?"

"What is it with you and food dreams?" Yumichika snarked.

"I'm fucking _hungry!"_

"Well, why aren't you the one cooking us them," Yumichika scolded, blowing holes in his theory.

"I can't cook myself, dumbass. You're not even bite-sized, you chicken-wing." Yumichika made a noise of offense, but Ikkaku ignored him, feeling confident all of a sudden. He nabbed little Yumichika, and stood up, not concerned with the faint burning anymore. He walked over the greasy pan, right up to the frying pan handle, and jumped on it, catapulting the bacon and the frying oil right out of it.

"What did you do that for?" Yumichika crossed his arms in a huff as Ikkaku picked them up off of the floor, walking out of the large kitchen.

"I dunno', it was fun." As he wandered around the unfamiliar house, it began getting smaller and smaller, until he was just the right size. He didn't see any people, and eventually, he made his way outside to a scary, dark looking forest.

"Oh great, you worked something out, didn't you. You broke through your denial." Yumichika mumbled, going pale. "I knew this night would come,"

"Where are we?" Ikkaku asked in awe of the terrifying looking place.

"_The heart of the matter_," Yumichika said ominously, pointing towards a signpost that was at the entrance to the woods.

Once Ikkaku read it, he knew that this would be the final task.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: How to fuck up the 'buddy' system.

* * *

"The heart of the matter?"

"Yes, sadly, you heard right. You've ignored your lessons too many times, I'm afraid."

"What do you mean?" Ikkaku asked Yumichika, strolling closer to the rather ominious, unevenly cut signpost.

"When you wake up you shake off your dreams like they aren't real,"

"Dreams _aren't_ real, they're all a stupid story that my own mind's making up,"

"Why would that mean that they aren't real? Is love fake too? Or anger? These are all products of our minds, stupid chemical reactions that make people kill others and slit their wrists. Isn't _that_ real, Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked quietly, looking a little sad.

Yumichika was right. Oxytocin made people who've been intimate feel attached to one another, it made mothers love their children, even though they are no more special than a frog egg amongst millions of others. Chemicals create those intense emotions that seem so real; They make people lie and swear and wallow in misery. They makes people start wars... And if none of it was real, how could it all cause so much damage?

Ikkaku didn't know what to say. Yumichika had never gotten like this before.

"You wake up and just go about your business, Ikkaku, ignoring _everything_ I've told you, and now you're being forced to learn from your mistakes. If only there had been another way... I didn't want it to come to this," Yumichika said a little absently, "You know I have to suffer with you when these stupid dreams of yours turn into nightmares. You think that they don't terrify me too? My god, the things your mind can come up with, it's any wonder I haven't wet myself yet."

Ikkaku sighed, scratching at the back of his neck, still reading the sign in an attempt to convince himself that Yumichika was wrong and that this was just another pun his brain had come up with, which made no sense, because he wasn't good with wordplay, and how was his own mind able to outwit him? Usually when others told jokes or said things that he shouldn't know in dreams, it caused a glitch in the dreamscape and he would wake up, because everything here was supposed to be a delusion of his own mind.

"Why do you keep staring at that sign, can't you read it?" Yumichika asked with curiosity, still trying to wipe bacon grease out of his hair before it solidified into white glop. Ikkaku was glad that he'd dropped his dreary, philosophical mood. He hated contemplating his own existence, because it made him feel horribly insignificant and out-of-control of his own actions. Like that 'fate' shit. Puh.

Why did everything have to be caused by something else, or influenced by something else like fate or god or the magic-eight-ball Ichigo kept in his room? Couldn't he make decisions just because? _He_ was in control; he wasn't some marionette, forever a puppet to some invisible force's will. _That_ was real. Him, right now. Madarame Ikkaku, demon-warrior, dragon-sword carrier.

"Hm?" Yumichika asked again, not realizing just yet that Ikkaku was getting all soul-searchy, still thinking he was struggling with reading the sign, "It says 'heart of the-"

"No, I can read it just fine," Ikkaku rolled his eyes, coming back to reality... or something like that, "I was just-"

"Caught in your stupid emotional labyrinth again?" Perhaps Yumichika knew more than he let on, which pissed Ikkaku off. He _hated_ feeling like he was the only one who was confused.

"Okay, listen, you little brat-"

"Shh, no time!" Yumichika shouted, indicating that he needed to hurry and enter the dark and foreboding wood. He suddenly looked quite fearful, tugging on Ikkaku's collar, clinging to his neck, urging him to start walking. "You need to hurry and enter the bewilderness, someone's following us."

Had Ikkaku not been intent on following Yumichika's order, he may have been stunned by that little pun, and then sarcastically thought something along the lines of 'The bewilderness? Oh, ha-ha, very clever.' He may have wondered why this had appeared, because he probably wouldn't have been able to think that one up on his own, and then he may have further wondered how on earth his own brain could be smarter than him? He might have then thought that maybe it had something to do with Yumichika being smarter than him too.

But he hadn't, because he didn't, because he was too focused on doing what he'd been asked. If whatever was following them was scaring Yumichika, he probably didn't want to meet it.

Ikkaku entered the bewilderness without question at first, trying to not let the facts that the path was overrun and hard to see and that it seemed like he might not come out of there alive bother him too much. This was no ordinary forest; it was indeed _wilderness, _with scary looking trees that were much too big, and many tangled bushes and brambles, along with many other strange objects that were out of place in a forest, such as human world items, books that had had their pages shredded, and other things from his own memories, such as old academy uniforms, familiar sake bottles - Rangiku's precious necklace was even hanging from a high branch. All in all, it looked at though his brain had thrown all of its junk into this forest.

"Wait, _who _did you say was following us?"

"Believe me, you don't want to meet him," Yumichika said, looking frightened, cheeks pale, "Just keep going." Ikkaku nodded, ducking under branches that grew out over the path, and stepping over protuding roots and weeds that were tangled up with splintered wood and glass-dust. He recognized Yumichika's favorite vase that he'd accidentally broken almost twenty years ago, as it crackled under his feet. "Oh, and one more thing. Don't let anyone else get me; you'd be _lost_ without me, and you'd never get out of here." Ikkaku withheld a snide comment about Yumichika's arrogance.

"Where's 'here'?" Ikkaku asked, slapping a bug that had bit his shoulder, nearly hurling Yumichika into the dark bushes on the edge of the path as he did so. Things were becoming frighteningly realistic. He didn't usually feel itching or pain in his dreams, or other physical sensations, but he could feel his clothes against his body and the meager weight of Yumichika on his shoulder. Furthermore, he could feel the glass shards crunching under his heels, and an unmistakable wave of nausea rose up through him as he lurched forward over a rotting log that was caked with dirt and term papers from his failed kidou-class. It was beginning to disturb him to be honest, the way he could smell the forest, hear the birds, and feel the mugginess and slight breeze.

"I told you. We've reached 'the heart of the matter'," Yumichika said sincerely, and with an air of reluctant patience that you would use on a child that incessantly asked 'why'.

Ikkaku frowned at him. "Yeah, but that's just a phrase. It's not a real _place,_" he tried to explain. Yumichika just looked at him in confusion and with that expression people get when they think that you've said something awkward or crazy: furrowed or raised eyebrows, slight disgust, slowly looking off to one side with pursed lips. Ikkaku frowned deeper, stopping and looking around. The walls should be flickering and warping, because he had just acknowledge that this was a dream out loud, but nothing was happening.

"Ikkaku, do you see that?" Yumichika pointed off in the distance, with another hand above his eyes in an attempt to make his vision sharper. No, Ikkaku didn't see it, whatever _it_ was, because he was busy being confused about why he hadn't awakened yet when they'd verbally acknowledged that he was asleep - that, and he was trying to beat away mosquitos.

"Do I see what?"

"No, do you see _that_?" Ikkaku ignored Yumichika's nonsense, following the direction of Yumichika's gesture with his eyes. "That looks like Hozukimaru! Go and fetch him."

Sure enough, up in the far distance, right where the path forked and took a sharp left turn one way, and continued straight in the other, Hozukimaru was stabbed into the side of a tree at an odd angle. It took Ikkaku some great effort to pull out, because it was really stuck in there, as if someone had lined it up with the trunk and pounded it in with a mallet; he had to set Yumichika down for fear of flinging him into the dark shrubbery.

It was a tree without flaky bark, and was much smaller than the other trees, which wasn't saying much, because Ikkaku still couldn't reach all the way around it were he to try. He braced his leg up against the dense unforgiving wood, not even caring that he was pulling hard enough that he would fall on his ass if he got it loose.

Ikkaku finally yanked his sword free, falling down as he had anticipated: with a heavy thud that jarred his vision and possibly cracked his tailbone. As pain shot up his spine and through his hips, he got up with a few colorful words and some horrible aching in his back. He held his sword up to his eyes, really intent on observing just how detailed his dream had become. The blade was sharp and shiny as always, with blood encrusted on it as usual. It even had some of Yumichika's hair - back from when it was long - worked into the hilt. The realism was furthered when he saw the chipped edge near the base of the blade where he'd nearly been killed fighting a hollow that liked throwing rocks.

Then he wondered why Yumichika's sword hadn't appeared as well; this bothered him a little, even if Yumichika was clearly too small to use it. Come to think of it, there was always something up with Yumichika's sword in his dreams. Either it was absent, in a impossible-to-reach place, or Yumichika was just having trouble with it. Ikkaku could vaguely remember one point where he'd found Yumichika trying to lift up his own sword, which was still normal-sized while its owner was tiny. Ikkaku could remember snatching it, and he had teased Yumichika about his height when Yumichika demanded that he give it back.

It was just strange, and he couldn't put his finger on why this would be a reappearing thing in his dreams.

Ikkaku looked around a little, trying to see if maybe Yumichika's sword had just fallen, or had been covered in dead leaves or other debris, or maybe was miniature to fit Yumichika's small stature, but no such luck. It seemed his luck wasn't helping him out much today. He sighed, leaning back against a conveniently placed sign-post... Wait, _a signpost?_

Ikkaku turned to read it, fingers on his chin, one of the paths led to the 'sad-lands', which he assumed were basically the bad/outlands of the Rukongai, and the other path led to... "The... Bewilderness?" It finally occurred to him that the name was a little strange, "Is that a pun? I think it's a pun. Hey, Yum-" He turned around to ask Yumichika if that had been word-play, or just to gloat that he'd been wrong about it being 'the heart of the matter', but Yumichika wasn't where he'd left him.

In fact, Yumichika wasn't there _at all_ anymore.

Ikkaku just blinked for a second, wondering if Yumichika had hidden just to scare him into watching him better, but it didn't seem like something he'd do, even if Yumichika was occasionally petty.

Suddenly, with an extremely loud metallic rattle, Shuuhei Hisagi front-flipped out of a chain-laden tree, and landed in front of him, taking off down the path without a word. Ikkaku blinked once, mouth open, and then tore ass after him, trying to remind himself that if he talked to him too much, he may lose his precious lucidity and rational thought. He didn't, however, think to call Yumichika just to make sure he wasn't still in the immediate area. He assumed that Hisagi had swiped Yumichika just like always, and the possibility that he might be wrong didn't even cross his mind.

"Hey!" he shouted, "Get back here! Wait up!" Hisagi was running super-fast, and Ikkaku thought it might be because he thought Shuuhei had an _insanely_ better chance getting Yumichika out on a date than he did. Shuuhei Hisagi was miles ahead of him when it came to romance, and there was no way for him to catch up.

Eventually, when Hisagi was no longer in sight, he slowed down, panting, trying to catch his breath. It occurred to him that he shouldn't be tired. This was all an illusion; he shouldn't be out of breath or have aching lungs or still feel intense pain from where his lower back had hit the ground earlier.

"Fuck," he swore, kicking a tree in anger; Yumichika had seriously _just_ warned him not to let him out of his sight. This happened every damn night - Yumichika getting kidnapped, abducted, spirited away, etc. But Ikkaku never seemed to learn, and he hated feeling so dense. Worst of all, Yumichika was right yet again.

God damnit.

He started to walk some more, hoping that he might come upon Yumichika again by sheer luck, or something like that. Yumichika would probably show up _eventually._

After about five minutes of traversing the dense, inhospitable path, he made it to another fork in the road, which gave him two options: One, to the 'orchasms', which Ikkaku assumed were chasms that have something to do with orgasms, or Two, to 'the thinking place'... Or was it '_stinking_ place?'... He couldn't quite make it out, as the sign-post had nearly rotted right off its nails.

After deciding that smelling bad was better than going to some weird chasms that he really had no idea about, he set off, noticing that the wood was growing sparser, with more patches of sunlight peeking in through the canopy. The path turned slowly to gravel, mixed in with glass bits and the occasional hypodermic needle, and Ikkaku stepped carefully even though he had on sandals. Soon enough, he came upon a cute little cottage in a bright clearing, with a pair of giant scissors that had modified into a chimney, on its roof.

It was either a barber-shop, or a chop-shop. Hopefully Yumichika was in there, because Ikkaku was sure that finding him would be the only thing to make entering this building worth it.

After knocking, he peeked his head inside, immediately surprised to see Nemu Kurotsuchi styling Ise Nanao's hair with a big smile on her face, and with lots of chatter coming from her mouth.

He quickly flicked his eyes over the surroundings: Crooked black and white tiles, hair on the floor, spray bottles and a mirror wall. Nothing really threatening, but a little creepy because of the dust, plaster bits and the broken lightbulb. It looked like the place hadn't been cleaned in ages, which made no sense, because the girls looked like they were having fun. Maybe they were ghosts, forever reenacting their death or something.

He cleared his throat to announce his arrival. When they didn't seem to notice it, he spoke. "Hey, have you guys seen Yumichika?" Nanao turned her head to look at him, and Nemu looked into the large cracked mirror, meeting his eyes with an expression so vibrant and life-filled that Ikkaku had a desire to befriend the real Nemu and do something nice for her, something small. It really was a shame that she was always so dreary. She just needed someone to be even a _little_ nice to her and show her that there was life other than that of pleasing her never-impressed father.

"Yeah, several times."

"Recently, I mean," Ikkaku clarified, and Nanao pursed her lips, looking like she was thinking, or maybe it was that crazy look again. Ikkaku was used to people thinking he was nuts, given that he was aware that that manic smile he got during fights was probably a little disturbing, but this was just downright frustrating - _he_ was the only sane one, so why were people always acting like his rationality was like verbal vomit?

"Yeah, yep, mhm. Try the attic," Nanao said in a thoughtful tone. Nemu pointed to the rickety stairs in the corner of the hair-styling shop, to clarify Nanao's suggestion. Ikkaku checked the attic, but no Yumichika - just a bunch of bats. "Okay, try the basement," Nanao then suggested, looking more sure of herself that time.

Ikkaku crossed his arms, tapping his foot when Yumichika didn't show up in the basement either, "Look, do you know or not? I'm in a ru-"

"Try that closet," Nemu said with a smile that Ikkaku had never seen the like of on the real Nemu's face. Ikkaku conceded, and checked the closet, immediately getting a floppy Hisagi tumbling out onto him with a bunch of hair dye packets, Yumichika in hand.

"Glad to see you're normal-sized, now," Ikkaku said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Hisagi replied, staring up at him from where he'd been spread-eagled on the ground.

Yumichika pulled himself out of Hisagi's hand, and started scaling Ikkaku's pant leg, until Ikkaku picked him up sheepishly, a little red from the embarrassment of not following Yumichika's suggestion to watch him carefully.

Ikkaku was persuaded to sit down in one of the twirly barber-chairs, and he was so occupied with getting Yumichika somewhere comfortable where he could see him easily, he didn't notice Hisagi leave, or perhaps just disappear.

"You need a hair cut," Nemu said, putting a finger to her chin in thought, as if she was envisioning which style hair cut to give him. Ikkaku's face soured, temper flaring. "Hm, Hm, Hmmmmmmm, you _definitely_ need a hair cut."

Ikkaku just blinked at her, straight-faced. Thin ice, thin ice, thin ice-

"You need a hair cut... You need to cut your hair... hair cut, cut your hair," she continued choppily, making a little picture frame with her hands. Yumichika rolled his eyes.

"Ikkaku, just-"

"_I don't have hair, okay? I do NOT need a hair cut!_" Ikkaku shouted at her in ire, then gritting his teeth hard enough to be in danger of cracking them.

Nemu nodded as if he had turned down her request calmly. "Well in that case, I'll just cut your," Ikkaku grabbed Nemu's wrist just in time before she cut his throat with the scissors. He'd always thought she'd been a little creepy along with her repressed, submissive personality - but that probably had just come from Kurotsuchi.

"Close shave," Yumichika commented, yawning.

"Shut your mouth," Ikkaku snapped in response to the cliche, snatching him up and bursting out of the demented barber shop before the two girls could strap him down and do unspeakably horrible things to him, like making him try on itchy wigs.

After running for a few minutes, he finally slowed down to a brisk walk, passing another sign that pointed him towards what was known as the 'thinking place'. "What the hell was that about?"

"I _told_ you this is the heart of the matter, so obviously you're just going to have to work through your problems. You'd better get used to working things out on your own, because I'm not always going to be here."

"The hell does _that_ mean?"

"It means that you're stuck here until you find the center of the maze."

"Holy fuck, this is a maze?" Ikkaku asked incredulously, the facts that Yumichika was going to abandon him and that he was unable to awaken, somehow flying straight over his head.

"Yes, it's that big," Yumichika commented in response to Ikkaku's shocked face.

"And I can't wake up?"

"No."

"I just have to solve a problem like usual right? And then someone'll wake me up like always,"

"_No._ It's like I said: Until you navigate the maze, you can't wake up. This is in real time, Ikkaku." Ikkaku's eyes boggled and his mouth opened and closed uselessly. Minutes that passed by here were real? "You'll be stuck here until either you fix this, or your body dies. So you have however long you think they'll keep you on life-support." Ikkaku began panicking.

"They'll think I'm in a coma, what the hell kind of problems do I have to work through? Is this like that sick game that puppet plays in the living world movie to make people appreciate their lives? Jigsaw? Fuck-"

"We'll make it," Yumichika comments, "You'll probably have to rescue me a few more times, so get used to having to make decisions on your own."

Ikkaku sulked as he walked through a small town in the middle of the woods. Many of the people he'd met or simply seen throughout his life time were there, giving him directions that Yumichika said were wrong. Of course he got pissy, because the people sounded like they knew what they were talking about, but Yumichika _insisted_ that they were only there to throw them off track.

"What, so everything here is just a test, except you? How do I know _you're_ not fake?" Yumichika looked at him as if he'd asked a really smart question.

"You're thinking too hard about imaginary problems. You need to focus on what's real," he said stoically.

Ikkaku shook his head a little desperately, thinking that Yumichika was just talking more nonsense. In distress over his bad situation, while wondering what on earth was happening to his physical body, he walked along the path that kept winding and going up hills and down. Eventually, things thickened back into dense forest once again, along with debris that seemed post-apocalyptic. It reminded Ikkaku of the rubbish piles that often followed a Rukon district catching fire.

"But I don't know how, I need help, Yumichika," he said miserably, stepping over fallen trees and moss-covered stones, squeezing through the trunks that crossed over the path in a big 'x'. Broken glass crunched under his feet, and he noticed other things, like splintered wood from crates that had fallen out of a net that was still hanging overhead. He recognized the symbol that was always on those boxes he found near Renji - Yumichika had once told him that Renji dealt in weapons in so-and-so town. They were probably full of fireworks or grenades or gunpowder or something.

There was a child's doll stuck in a bush, along with coins and barbed-wire fragments sticking up out of the ground. He kept walking a little ways, pushing tree branches up and out of the way of his face, dodging some grimy bottles that had been hung like ornaments from some high tree-limbs. He sat in frustration on another crate of explosives that had been kept intact and shoved up next to a tree. Ikkaku exhaled in defeat.

"I don't know what to do- Yumichika?" He looked around him in a circle, suddenly realizing that the path was gone, not even able to tell which way he had come from. The tree 'x' he'd just come through seemed to have disappeared, turning into just another dark backdrop, typical of dense forest.

"Fuck, where'd you go?" he whined in dismay, checking under each of his feet again, getting down on his hands and knees to see if Yumichika had fallen from his shoulder. He was getting fucking _pissed off_. The dreamscape was _cheating_, messing with his head and doing things that made no sense at all! Usually things kept to at least a _moderate_ modicum of rationality.

Ikkaku started panicking at that point, scrambling around on the ground, looking for Yumichika - no, he couldn't be left here alone, _stuck_ forever, never able to go back to his real life. What if he died once his body did? What if his consciousness slowly faded away and he started becoming some wacky nut who lived in the Wonderland of other people's dreams?

The dirt was real underneath his fingernails, the rough ground was _real_ under his knees and palms. This world wasn't pixelated or blurry or surreal; everything was so perfectly life-like that he didn't know what to do. "This is a dream," he shouted, standing up, "Wake up, c'mon. _Wake up!_" He tried screaming, pinching himself, imagining something completely ridiculous to see if it would cause a glitch, but no such luck, once again. "Wake up, you're asleep," he said miserably, losing hope.

Nothing happened, and Ikkaku sat down in shock.

Yumichika was right; or at least his sick-dream-copy of Yumichika was right. He was stuck here - This wasn't one of those dream tasks where he would take up where he'd left off the next time he took a nap. _No_. He really honestly could not leave, and would remain asleep until he fixed shit. Damn that Yumichika, leaving him when he needed help. Ikkaku had always somehow deluded himself into thinking that Yumichika's dream-clone really was part of the real Yumichika, but now he wasn't so sure. Was it just another dream-shade that had been projected by his own mind? If that was true, why couldn't he call Yumichika up at will? At one point, his little helper had shown him how to cheat the dreamscape and get what he wanted out of it, but he didn't remember how, and now he was hopelessly lost somewhere between the bewilderness, that demonic hair salon, and the thinking place.

How hard he wished that Yumichika would come back to him, not even caring if it was just a random firing of neurons in his brain, because as far as he was concerned - and according to Yumichika-two - he _had_ no body anymore. The thing Yumichika always complained about - Ikkaku 'calling' him - wasn't working either, and Ikkaku began to feel helpless.

He couldn't wake up, and his guide had gone once again. He didn't know _what_ he was supposed to be doing, or where he needed to go. And how on earth had Yumichika expected him to keep track of him if he was just gonna' disappear out of the blue like that? Was he supposed to hold Yumichika in his hand and keep him in eyeshot at all times? Even _that_ didn't seem to be working. He sighed, leaning back against a tree in misery, before deciding to keep following the path, hoping he could find _somebody_, even if their advice was completely wrong.

There was no point wasting time feeling sorry for himself. There wouldn't even _be_ a 'himself' if he didn't get a move on.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: How to 'speak now' at a wedding ceremony. Holding your peace is optional

* * *

Ikkaku stumbled, searching desperately as he wondered about Yumichika's realism. Was this really just his own mind? Maybe Yumichika kept disappearing because he was afraid of the real one leaving him if he found out about his love-crush. But that couldn't be right - Yumichika just couldn't be fake.

Part of Ikkaku still believed that the real Yumichika was trying to tell him something through these nightmares, that his little Yumichika-doll had some fragment of the real Yumichika's soul or consciousness in it, because he didn't think that he could create such a perfect copy of Yumichika, given how poorly of a job he'd done on his other friends.

Hisagi was either screaming 'deadlines', or acting like a six-year-old, Renji couldn't talk and sometimes got extremely creepy, turning his dreams to nightmares, Kira was a 'mess', whatever that meant, Rangiku had her own problems, Yachiru was a psychopath, and his Captain was a dope who followed her around. But Yumichika, was always crystal, _always_ perfect, always identical to the real one.

It just _couldn't_ be his own mind making things up. Yumichika was real.

'_Isn't that real, Ikkaku?'_

_'You're thinking too hard about imaginary problems. You need to focus on what's real. Real. Real. Real.'_

"Okay, okay, gotta' findja', gotta' findja'," he muttered, shuffling along, looking all over, still thinking he might've just dropped Yumichika in a bush or something - maybe Yumichika was sulking and giving him the silent treatment. Or maybe the fall had killed him.

He observed the surroundings, still pissed that the path had suddenly disappeared, leaving him in the thick of the bewilderness. After a few minutes of difficult traversing, he decided that he should withhold from the temptation of using Hozukimaru as a machete to cut the vines or small branches; for some reason he had a feeling something bad would happen.

So he suffered with it, stuffing his sword down his shirt as he army-crawled through a thicket and a few thorn bushes, coming out onto a dirty clearing with grass that had grown extremely tall from lack of care. He swore a couple times, as his face had been badly scratched, and there was dirt all down his front. It was someone's yard, Ikkaku noticed as he pulled his sword out of his shirt, wincing from where it had cut his chest when he'd lain on it.

An unkempt yard to a very creepy, run-down, old house, which he decided not to enter. It looked haunted, if haunted buildings had a 'look'. This did not keep him from staring at it for awhile, walking around it a couple times, trying to avoid the debris and rubble that was becoming more frequent. It was becoming so frequent in fact, that Ikkaku assumed that it was more junk than forest now, and that perhaps he had come across a junkyard that had been abandoned long enough for greenery to grow.

Too many of Renji, Ichigo, and Yumichika's things from his long forgotten memories were popping up. Wilting flower bouquets Hisagi had utilized trying to woo Yumichika, tickets to Ichigo's 'amusement parks', Renji's worn textbooks that the poor guy had _slaved_ over trying to impress Rukia's brother. He'd even spotted Yachiru's tattered old security blanket, stuck up in some branches like a kite.

He approached the creepy building, wading through the tall grass, wary of snakes. God _damnit,_ the snakes in his nightmares were fucking scary, taking his phobia up a few notches. He ran his fingers on the side of the house, and immediately got a sliver from the poor quality of the wood. The paint had all flaked off of the house, and the wood was splintery and cracked. The shutters hung off the windows, which were nearly all punched out or cracked. After a quick peek in one of the window holes, he saw that it was dark, dusty, and frankly too creepy for him to enter, even though he wasn't a chicken.

He didn't feel like lingering near the building - he was scheduled to find the thinking place about now - but enjoyed the clearing in the woods, in which he could see the sky if he looked up. It was light enough that he could easily pick out what items were strewn along the ground, which was a nice change from dark, dreary greenery which his eyes had to strain against.

There was a burlap sack half buried in the ground, which he tried to brush off, even though the dirt had been packed into the fabric. He pulled it up, getting a few worms, some grass that had grown through the cloth, and some darker, moister soil too. Again, he was startled by the realism, almost forgetting that this was supposed to be a dream.

Maybe that was the whole point. Maybe this _wasn't_ a dream anymore. Maybe since he'd left his body, he had come to this place and now couldn't leave it. Ikkaku tried to ponder what Yumichika had said, knowing that even if it sounded like nonsense, usually the things he said ended up being right or true.

"It should be night-time," he said aloud, testing whether or not he might be able to break free or change something about his surroundings, but no. He was certain he'd gone to sleep during the night-time back in Seireitei, so if this was happening on real time, then it should be night here too.

Perhaps it was reversed.

"Parallel universe or something."

"No," someone said behind him. It was a voice that he didn't hear often, but one that he recognized immediately. There was no mistaking the 'holier-than-thou' - or perhaps '_smarter-_than-thou' - tone, or the ironic rasp that cigarettes gave to the voice of someone who you'd think would be more health-conscious.

"Akon?" He turned around, but didn't see the scientist anywhere. He could vaguely remember that the last time he'd seen Akon in a dream, he'd been a recluse.

"Perpendicular."

"What?"

"Perpendicular universe." Okay, that had clarified nothing.

"I don't know _what_ you're talking about," Ikkaku said in relief that he was no longer alone, but still was unable to tell where the voice was coming from. Geez, he always felt like a complete moron around Akon; maybe he'd transcended into some omniscient being in his dreams.

"It doesn't matter if there are parallel universes, because we would never know. Parallel lines are those that run equal to each other, never crossing, never meeting, never changing shape. They're identical. There's no point in wondering about them or speculating, because it wouldn't matter. Like time travel."

Ikkaku picked up his filthy new rucksack and put his sword inside it, apologizing to Hozukimaru for the smell and the rough quality of the burlap. He put in some broken pieces of glass and some yellowed paper, along with what looked like a bent axle, just in case his dreams turned to nightmares and things got ugly.

Strange. It had never occurred to him before to use objects around his dream to help him escape. Perhaps the thought had come to him because of how real everything was now. He seemed to be locked into lucidity or rational thought, because he hadn't yet forgotten that he was asleep, and hadn't been really pulled off track because of a short attention span. Everything was rock solid real.

'_I wonder why everything's busted.' _He picked up a box of toothpicks that turned out to be matches, which he didn't know how to use. It had freaked him out the first time he'd seen Ichigo use one. He kept them anyways, along with some dirty water containers filled with sand and mud.

"Perpendicular lines however, are completely opposite to each other, racing towards one another, and only... meeting... once," Akon's voice said dramatically. Ikkaku furrowed his brow, pinpointing the voice, walking towards the porch of the run-down shack.

He tried to open the door, but the thing wasn't attached to the hinges, so he settled on tossing it to the side. The rotted wood split and fell apart when it landed on the porch, held up a bit by the cushion of rose bushes that were growing up through gaps in the floorboards. "Akon, what the hell are you doing?" he asked to the grubby scientist who had been crouching behind the door, speaking through a paper cone to sound more ominous.

Okay so maybe he thought Akon was a genius, but knew that he wasn't as socially adept as he thought he was. "So it's a pendulum universe, thanks for clarifying that." Akon groaned at his idiocy, correcting him in a mumble, and Ikkaku noticed that his horns were a bit longer than they should be, and that his skin was a bit grayer as well. "Are you a vampire or something?"

"How'd you guess?" Now that he was close by, Ikkaku could see bite marks al over Akon's visible skin, and he could see that where Akon's vampire canines should be, there were no teeth at all. Perhaps he'd transferred his fangs to his head, which wouldn't make sense because those would have been some huge teeth... oohh, he could feel a nightmare coming on.

Things should have gotten darker, his gut should have twisted, and a jump-score should have played, but nothing happened, and Ikkaku hated how well he could smell the stench of decay in this old house, and how he could feel a slight breeze, and how he could hear crickets in the distance. It was just plain creepy, and wasn't being played up or made scarier by his own imagination. Everything was all too real.

"You're not hungry, are you?" he asked warily.

"No, I'm Akon," Akon said straight-faced, and Ikkaku honestly didn't know if he was joking. He suddenly remembered that he shouldn't be talking too much to nonsensical dream-wraiths, but he hadn't really had Akon play a large role in any of his dreams before, so he wanted to see if the scientist could help him a little. Akon was smart, he couldn't probably-

Wait, _Renji_, he needed to find Renji. Renji _always_ helped him. It was a shame that he couldn't talk, and even more so that he turned vicious on what almost seemed like a time-limit.

"Have you seen Renji?"

"Many times, many times," Akon said a little too excitedly, cringing away from the light coming in the doorway. When Ikkaku explained once again that he meant _recently_, Akon rolled his eyes, saying that it had been a joke.

"He's dealing in weapons these days. Fireworks. Guarding."

"Guarding?"

"Yes," Akon said with no further clarification. Ikkaku sighed, letting Akon chatter to him about how Urahara Kisuke - who Akon seemed to have a strange level of hero worship for, almost equal to Hisagi's for Kensei - had been whisked away to a partition of hell by Kurotsuchi, who Akon didn't seem to like for some reason.

Ikkaku had had _one_ dream with Urahara Kisuke in it, and the man had been _frighteningly_ sane. He didn't want to meet him again here, even though he had a huge amount of respect and admiration towards him.

"Aw fuck, I've gotta' go through hell ta' get through this?" Ikkaku asked loudly, "You hate me, don't you?" he shouted at the sky.

"Maybe God won't hate you so much if you'd quit screaming at him," Akon suggested, "I mean, if he's up there. I dunno'."

"Akon, Where is Renji," Ikkaku asked slowly taking the man's shoulders.

"He's nearby," Akon said after a moment of thinking and nodding to himself. "I saw him squeezing charcoal earlier. I think he's trying for diamonds... And also... look out for the man in the moon." Ikkaku sighed to himself, thanking him, but didn't turn his back on him as he moved off the porch to the far end of the clearing. He had a feeling of dread starting to build in his gut.

Akon seemed to fade, backing into the recesses of his run-down haunted-house. There was a sharp crack, as Akon's body twisted unnaturally. Ikkaku's fists clenched and his jaw tensed as he moved through some bushes into the darkness of the forest, looking back at Akon, whose eyes had seemed to turn to molten lava.

Suddenly Akon's body jolted forward, jaw unhinging, eyes bulging like some demon from a human movie - those things freaked Ikkaku out - as if he were screaming his head off, and flames shot from his eyes and mouth, setting the dry, brittle wood of the house ablaze. It was a conflagration in a matter of seconds. Ikkaku stood watching the fireball hit the sky, rising out of control in a pillar of molten flame. He stood still in horror for a moment, before he continued on through the woods, a little shaky. Seeing Akon's face snap open like a gulper eel had fucked him up.

The revelation came to him in a sudden burst, that _that_ had been the 'thinking place'. Ikkaku shuddered, walking for a good ten minutes without stopping, eager to get away from there.

Soon enough, the empty and destroyed boxes of explosives became more frequent, so much so, that it was as if he were walking over woodchips instead of packed forest dirt.

He stopped short when he heard a noise, as if something had swiped through the air next to his head, almost like a sword narrowly missing his ear.

"Renji?" he whispered, really creeped out. What if Renji tried to kill him? He'd done it before. He took out his sword slowly, with much dismay. Hopefully it didn't come to blows. Renji was really always helpful and sweet, eager to be friendly, and he seemed sane enough too, despite those violent outbursts.

Ikkaku had never killed anyone here besides Yumichika, and he didn't want to see what would happen if he did. He didn't want to have to see Renji's dying breath every time he saw the real Renji.

"Renji?" he called louder, feeling cornered from all sides, turning around in around, backing himself up against a tree. Frick, he wished Yumichika was there to give him a little help right about then.

He startled when a dark shape moved in a tree a little ways off of the path, like somebody had flipped upside down and was hanging by their knees from a branch. There were eyes, looking right at him. "Renji, is that you?" he called, tightening his grip on his sword. Goosebumps rose on his arms and he swallowed, breath shaky.

Of course, Renji couldn't answer him, being mute, and the shape slowly climbed through the top tree branches, coming closer, until Ikkaku could see that it was indeed Renji. The man peeped at him from behind some leaves, almost looking frightened of him. Ikkaku suddenly remembered how much Renji liked to hide. It was almost as if he were shy of the other people wandering around at times.

Renji crawled out onto a branch, perching on it, barefoot, waving down at him with a grin.

"Hey, man," Ikkaku said in relief, putting his sword back in the bag, keeping it in quick reach in case Renji got out of control. He could see a knife glittering where it was strapped to Renji's belt.

Renji made a gesture for him to talk, so Ikkaku took it to mean that he wanted to know what was going on with him.

"I lost Yumichika," he said flatly. Renji snorted, rolling his eyes. "Ya' know where he is?" Renji frowned for a moment, before wiggling a hand from side to side, in a 'so-so' gesture. "So you know where he could be?" Renji nodded, and Ikkaku was pleased that he'd guessed right. Usually Renji's sherade games and riddles were too complicated for him to guess - which was ridiculous, because it was supposed to be his own mind coming up with the puzzles.

But _damn_ was he lucky tonight; he hardly _ever_ found Renji. That scare he'd been given was well worth it.

"Can ya' come down?" Renji opened his mouth as if to say something, clinging tight to the tree trunk, as if he were afraid the moment he came down, something would get him. "I mean, ya' don't have to, but..." Renji looked indecisive for a few moments, before he began to grapple the tree trunk, slowly climbing down it to a reasonable height that he could jump to the ground from.

Renji hissed and rubbed his feet where they'd hit the sharp woodchips, pulling splinters out, sitting down like a little kid putting on socks. Ikkaku sat down across from him, waiting for him to be done fretting over his bleeding feet. He probably wouldn't be able to climb very well after that. Ikkaku cringed in guilt.

"So, you think you know where Yumichika _might_ be?" Renji nodded, eager to be helpful as he held up a hand, showing that he was beginning the game.

"Alright, start." Renji nodded, thinking for a moment before laying one hand flat, using the other to look like it was holding a saucer or a tea cup, setting it on his flat hand. "Uhhh... Set," Renji made a keep-going motion. "Put down, uh, place." Renji nodded, smiling.

"Okay, yer' telling me the place where he's at?" Renji again made a so-so motion, "Okay, okay, the place he might be at. Ya' gonna' take me there?" Renji nodded hesitantly, not wanting to leave his hiding place or his barrage of hodge-podge weapons, of which Ikkaku had seen none so far - just the broken crates that carried them.

Renji held up two fingers, "Two words, first word, uhhh..." Renji thought for about thirty seconds before winking and pointing at his eye.

"Eye," Renji nodded, grinning, going on to the next hint. "Second word, uh..." Renji made a gesture like he was getting sleep-sand out of his eye. "Eye crud..." Renji made a keep-going motion, "Uhhh, eye boogers, eye goo-" Renji pointed frantically, nodding, then making a motion to his ear like he was listening for something.

"Sounds like 'eye goo'?" Renji nodded, seeming really happy that he was guessing things so easily. Usually they'd be at this for a long time. "Okay, eye joo, eye boo, eye doo-" Renji grabbed his shoulders.

"Eye doo... I do? Like people getting married?" Renji fist-pumped, grinning. "I don't get it... A place... I do... Uhh... A wedding chapel?" Renji pinched a forefinger and thumb together, "Close? Uhhh... A church." Renji spread his hands apart, "A big church. Cathedral? A wedding at a cathedral?" Renji nodded, satisfied. "What does that have to do with Yumichika?" Ikkaku screeched, annoyed that his time had been wasted. Renji stared at him with raised eyebrows. "What the fuck, Yumichika's getting married? Maybe?"

Renji did one big nod. "Aw fuck, I hate crashing parties. Which way do I go? Ya' gonna' come with me?"

Renji exhaled, rubbing at his mouth, before nodding, which Ikkaku took to mean that he'd come for a little while in case he changed his mind. "Alright, let's go then." Renji stood up, taking his knife off his belt, causing Ikkaku to back off in surprise. The redhead didn't brandish the knife at him however, he just carved something clumsily on a tree trunk, pointing at it.

"Is that a crown?" Renji nodded. "A king?... No, a queen?" Renji nodded again, pale in the face, looking as though he was trying to warn Ikkaku. Ikkaku didn't ask him to explain further, in a rush to find Yumichika again.

He had Renji walk in front of him, to make sure he wasn't gonna' bury that knife in his shoulder. This however, made things slow, as Renji seemed to become less sure of himself the further away they got from the bewilderness. "It's okay, man, don't worry so much." Renji nodded, panting from anxiety, rather than physical exhaustion.

Suddenly, the forest stopped all together, Ikkaku could see, because light was pouring through the trees in the distance. They made it to the edge, and immediately Ikkaku could see that there was a field of tree stumps and scorched weeds that stretched for miles, opening the junk and memory-debris to the air. In the far distance, Ikkaku could see a huge missile that probably belonged to Renji, sticking out of the ground, and even farther away, was a huge cathedral.

As they walked towards it, Ikkaku realized that the place was far bigger than he'd anticipated. It was like Las Noches - so vast that you thought you were closer to it than you actually were.

They walked for about an hour, with Renji growing more and more frightened as they neared. The sky started to turn to that of dusk, and Renji timidly grabbed Ikkaku's hand, which Ikkaku allowed, because he didn't want to go in the church alone anymore than Renji did.

"Do you believe in God, Renji?" Renji looked at him for a second, still eyeing the huge building with trepidation. He mouthed, 'I'm not really sure, do you?'.

"Yeah, I guess... but not like how other people do." Renji looked at him until he explained. "I believe he exists, I just don't believe in asking him to solve your problems, er' blamin' him for the shit ya' get yerself' inta'. People pray when their kid's being hung off a bridge by its ankles. They don't when everything's fine." Renji nodded with a look that said 'I see'.

"I don't really wanna' go in there," he mumbled. "I think Yumichika was born in the Rukongai, but I wasn't. I died in a church. Haven't been in one since." Renji patted his shoulder in sympathy.

"Was an orphan. Gettin' baptized... Got tangled up in some dark satanic shit. An'... no one realized that it was oil and not holy water until it was too late. Someone knocked over a candle and we were all on fire in a split second. I remember my hands and my face getting hurting so bad that I felt it for years after I'd died. My scalp too. See... I'm not really bald, but I don't like explainin' it ta' people... It's painful... ta' think about," Ikkaku sighed.

Renji nodded, and Ikkaku somehow felt content with the silence as they timidly walked up to the huge double doors of the elaborate palace-like cathedral.

"Wonder who he's gettin' hitched to." Renji gave him a look that said 'no bullshit', and Ikkaku conceded that _okay, _he knew it was Hisagi. Ikkaku put a hand on the door.

Renji looked ready to flee, knife in his teeth as he pressed his ear to the door. Ikkaku cracked it open, peeking inside. It did indeed appear that a wedding was taking place, although Ikkaku had never seen one. It at least looked like what he'd imagine it to. White flowers everywhere, dreary organ music, long red carpet and an altar with cushions for the bride and groom to kneel on. He didn't see Yumichika, but that could just be because Yumichika was so tiny, and he was so far away. He grabbed Renji's hand and slipped in through the crack he'd popped in the heavy doors.

Renji was seriously shaking at this point, breathing through his mouth, face gray as if he were going to throw up. "It's okay man," Ikkaku whispered as Renji clung to his arm, trembling violently.

Suddenly there was a high pitched scream that scared them both nearly out of their wits - it was so loud in the cavernous building that it had everyone clutching their ears. "What have I decreed?! All marriages must be accompanied with candy! Death by beheading!" Ikkaku then heard some frantic pleas for mercy and some heavy blows, with bones cracking under the force. He could hear Yumichika's voice, begging for them to leave Shuuhei alone.

"Wait is that... Yachiru?" Ikkaku asked. Renji nodded, lower lip quivering, trying to pull Ikkaku back out through the doors so they could leave.

Ikkaku left Renji there to his own fear, walking up the aisle up to the little girl who was banging her fists on her pulpit/throne, until someone gave her some candy to quiet her down.

Yachiru had a little crown on her head, which Ikkaku didn't understand. It wasn't like he held a grudge against Yachiru and her position of lieutenant that he could never advance to. So why was she superior to him here?

Suddenly, Ikkaku caught sight of Yumichika, who was hiding next to a cowering Hisagi who was shielding him. Shuuhei looked like he had been beaten nearly senseless by the tiny queen, but was still hovering protectively over his little fiance as blood ran from his mouth.

Yumichika had on all white clothes, and had a little white clover flower in his hair, while Hisagi had on formal black clothes. The beautiful little Yumichika made a shushing motion and crept towards him, trying to stay out of sight of the tyrant crashing their wedding. Yumichika made it to his palm, kissing his finger in relief as Ikkaku brought him close to his chest in safety.

"Pachinko-dama, Gimme' Yun-Yun," Ikkaku had by then approached the pulpit, and not a minute after he had picked up Yumichika, Yachiru crawled onto the desk and grabbed him out of his hand.

Yumichika screamed in terror, bursting into panicked tears, as he kicked fruitlessly, trying desperately to escape her grasp, begging for Ikkaku to save him. Hisagi moaned out a 'no, punish me instead', trying to pull himself up to help his love, hardly able to draw breath through his pain.

Ikkaku could only watch in horror as Yachiru explained loudly, so as to be heard over Yumichika's frantic sobbing, that she didn't have a red crayon to write down Hisagi's sentence for his horrible crime of having no candy.

"No, no, Ikkaku help me, please help me," Yumichika blubbered, still looking so beautiful even in his terror, that Ikkaku felt Hisagi was the luckiest man in the world. The poor little thing was still screaming in fear, frantically trying to get free in a way that burnt the image into Ikkaku's eyes. He watched in growing horror as Yachiru brought Yumichika to the paper. "No- _No_, _Please Ikkaku, NO!" _he screamed, eyes wide.

He realized what she was going to do just before it happened, "Wait, no!" Ikkaku lunged forward, trying to snatch Yumichika back, but not before Yachiru slammed Yumichika's little head down on her paper and dragged him roughly all over it, leaving behind blood and chunks of meat, along with a sickening crack of Yumichika's neck and half his spine.

Ikkaku's stomach roiled, mouth open in disgust, unable to look away as Yumichika's little body was slowly ground away into a mess of gore. He clutched at his face, horrified as he saw Yumichika's white clothes turn pink and then red. Hisagi began to weep, saying Yumichika's name over and over in apology.

Yumichika's dying scream was still ringing in the cavernous cathedral, so loud that it had traveled up the bell-tower to vibrate the bells. He could still hear him screaming and begging and crying, pleading for him to save him.

He'd just let Yumichika die. For now, it didn't matter whether this was a dream or reality, or whether Yumichika would ever appear again - It didn't matter that it might have been all a ruse. He'd just let Yumichika _die in front of him._

Ikkaku's heart broke.

His sadness quickly turning to something that he could deal with better: fury. "You're not even drawing anything!" he screamed in rage, about to start crying over his best friend's violent demise - those tears and Yumichika's frantic screams had really fucked up his heart.

He tried to punch her even though she was a little girl; despite the fact that she was spoilt and bratty and in the wrong, she was still just a child, but he felt no guilt. He swung on her with all his might, ready to break the jaw of a little girl he had rocked to sleep and read stories to and played with. He was just so damn angry that she'd killed Yumichika for no reason, that none of that mattered. He _hated_ her right now, so much that he felt he was turning to lava. "You just _wasted_ him!"

She dodged his blow, moving too quick for him to catch her; Ikkaku had practically crawled up the overly tall pulpit, trying to nab her and beat her till she was blue in the face. "Oh, you want a turn? Draw me a heart!" she laughed, zipping out of his range. Ikkaku just shouted until he was out of breath, trying to catch her in a frustrating game of what she thought was 'tag'.

Suddenly she stopped in the middle of the aisle, and Ikkaku nearly tripped over her. She had a solemn look on her face and she pointed at Renji, who was backed up in the dark entrance, twitching and shuddering violently. There was a sharp crack similar to the earlier one of Akon, and a low menacing growl reached his ears.

Ikkaku didn't need to hear Yachiru say that Renji was about to get 'scary' twice, and he picked up Yumichika's mangled remains, leaving Hisagi's corpse or near-corpse to rest in its own blood. He kicked out a stain glass window with his heel, and fled through the razed field of the bewilderness until he could flee no more.

He laid down what was left of Yumichika's poor little body, trying not to look at it as he covered it with pebbles. He had looked so beautiful, even as Hisagi's tiny bride, so far out of his reach; so beautiful even if he was about to be married to someone else, signing away his love so that it could never be Ikkaku's. He was so beautiful, and Ikkaku loved him so, shedding a few more tears over his little grave, crying pitifully for the loss of his best friend in the world.

As he got up and tried to go on, his feet dragged and his heart ached as those screams still rung in his ears, and that look of terror hunted his thoughts. He had been so happy to see him; Yumichika had looked at him like he was his salvation. He'd been so relieved that Ikkaku had come to save him, and then Ikkaku had failed him.

No one had ever killed Yumichika here besides him - what was going to happen now? Yumichika was dead, and he was lost, and his real body was probably going to die now too. He collapsed in the middle of the dirt road, sniffling, wiping his eyes.

It was getting darker and darker and the rows of stumps had eventually disappeared and gave way to a grassy field that had apple trees growing for miles in all directions.

He looked up at the moon, face still shining with tears that had almost dried. He whispered a couple apologies that he hadn't acted quicker, just in case Yumichika's spirit was lingering near him.

"Psst,"

"What?" he asked the moon, miserably, not in the mood to talk to anyone, especially not that tanuki-faced creep.

"Want some moonshine?" asked Ichimaru curiously, tutting in sympathy for his sadness. When Ikkaku declined him, he asked him if he'd seen Rangiku around. He replied that he hadn't, but he'd keep an eye open. Gin smiled at him, fading into the silver moon once again.

Ikkaku wandered through the sweet-smelling orchard, reminiscing about how he and Yumichika had met so long ago in a cherry-tree grove.

After a stranger convinced him to lay down and take a nap, he climbed up into the top branches of one of the trees, resting on it as the day turned completely to night. The moon rose higher and higher, and didn't try to talk to him again.

Ikkaku shed a few more hopeless tears, still replaying Yumichika's screams in his head. If only he had been quicker and had saved the poor little guy. He wouldn't have even cared if Yumichika still decided to get married to Hisagi. Just as long as he'd still been alive...

If he ever awoke from this nightmare, he would spank Yachiru next time she messed with Yumichika's feathers. Little brat.

Of course he knew that was completely childish, as Yachiru had no control over what her dream persona did, but he still thought maybe it would make him feel better.

He closed his eyes, hoping the next time he awoke, that he would be back in his body, in his and Yumichika's bedroom. Just as he began dozing off, suddenly he heard Yumichika's voice from far above him, as though Yumichika were speaking through the dark star-speckled sky beyond the clouds.

"Ikkaku, it's time to get up..." There was a pause, "Ikkaku," Ikkaku sat on the branch in shock, climbing higher, sticking his head up over the leaves to try to see where it was coming from. "Ikkaku, get up... Wake up," There was a pause, and Ikkaku's face crumpled in dismay. He hadn't thought he'd be able to hear people talking to his body, but perhaps his consciousness had split. He'd been right about night and day being opposite.

"C'mon," there was a strained sound to Yumichika's voice, as if he was trying to pick him up, "You'll be late for work. Are you going to take another sick day? Iiiiikaaaakuuuu," he whispered, voice growing louder as if he were talking directly in his ear.

"C'mon, this isn't funny... Are you okay?" Ikkaku listened in misery as Yumichika started to get panicked, shaking him body and trying everything to get him to respond. Eventually he left the house and was quickly joined by Renji and the Captain.

Ikkaku fell asleep with the sounds of Yumichika's desperate pleas for him to open his eyes ringing in his ears. '_If only, beautiful. I'd do it in a second if I could... I wish you were here with me.' _

He didn't feel the little body curl up in his hand, sighing in contentment as the fingers wrapped around him in a warm embrace.


End file.
